Preparing for Grief Over the Holidays
Grief is hard in any season. Often, the holidays sneak up on us, and for those walking through loss, the season can bring back the same heaviness you thought you had escaped. This experience—sometimes called a grief wave—is an unexpected surge of emotion, memory, or sadness that can appear out of nowhere. In this post, we’ll explore ways to prepare for the holidays and honor the memory of your loved one with intention and care.
Acknowledging What Comes Up
Holidays are filled with traditions, spoken and unspoken. Maybe you always looked forward to your mom’s famous casserole on Christmas Eve or a game of flag football on Thanksgiving. The first year—or any year—without your loved one may bring up sorrow, anger, guilt, or even relief.
It’s important to acknowledge whatever emotions arise without judgment. Grief isn’t linear, and your feelings are not right or wrong—they simply are. From this place of acceptance and curiosity, you can begin to process and grieve their absence through the holiday season.
Adjusting to a New Reality
Our brains and hearts need time to adjust to life after loss. Especially with a death, the mind has to continually face the truth that your loved one will no longer be physically present at family gatherings. Though they may be absent in body, their memory, love, and influence are still very much alive.
Finding small, intentional ways to include them in your celebrations can bring comfort and a sense of connection.
Continuing Bonds: Staying Connected in Healthy Ways
In grief work, the term continuing bonds describes the ways we maintain a meaningful connection with someone who has died. It’s not about “letting go,” but rather about carrying the love forward in a new form.
You might listen to their favorite song on the drive home, wear a piece of jewelry they gave you, or continue a tradition that reminds you of them. These quiet acts help keep their memory close while allowing space for new experiences to emerge.
Ways to Honor Your Loved One During the Holidays
Here are some ideas for remembering your loved one in meaningful and personal ways:
Create a Memory Table — Display photos, mementos, or special items that reflect their personality and spirit.
Light a Candle — Let it represent the light they brought into your life.
Share Stories or Memories — Keep their presence alive through laughter and storytelling.
Dedicate a Toast — Offer a moment of gratitude and remembrance at your gathering.
Cook Their Favorite Dish — Include one of their favorite recipes in your meal as a way to feel close to them.
Write a Letter to Them — Share your thoughts, gratitude, or what you wish you could say now.
Create a Memory Jar or Scrapbook — Collect photos, written memories, or notes to revisit in future years.
Donate in Their Name — Give to a cause that mattered to them.
Plant Something Living — A tree, flower, or small garden can become a symbol of ongoing love.
Play Their Favorite Music — Let familiar songs help you feel connected.
Leave a Seat at the Table — A simple, visual reminder that they remain part of the family story.
Create a Gratitude Jar — Invite everyone to write something they’re thankful for about them.
Volunteer Together — Honor their memory through service to others.
Include a Ritual or Prayer — Take a quiet moment for reflection, gratitude, or prayer.
Reflect Quietly — Spend a few minutes alone to breathe, remember, and give thanks for your time together.
Reflecting on the Season
After the holiday, take a few moments to reflect or journal about your experience.
What emotions came up most often? What was hardest—and what surprised you? Did you notice moments of gratitude or even joy mixed in with sadness? How did you balance the tension? These reflections can help you better understand your grief and the ways love continues to show up.
A Gentle Reminder
Most importantly, be kind to yourself. The holidays may look and feel different, and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to slow down, rest, and approach this season with openness rather than expectation.
Whether through quiet reflection, time with loved ones, or prayer, find what brings you comfort and peace. Grief and love can coexist—and even in loss, love remains.
As Psalm 34:18 reminds us:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
May that truth bring you comfort and hope this season.
